It’s incredible how much syrup can ooze from a 42” flat screen. The variations on the same predictable plot in the sappy Christmas movies Marilyn loves are apparently countless.
Girl has shallow boyfriend, girl goes home for Christmas, girl endures boorish relatives and falls back in love with former boyfriend. Somehow an orphaned child wanders into the picture with a wounded soldier holding a puppy. Occasionally there are a few twists—for instance, in last night’s version, the puppy was injured in action and the soldier wasn’t housebroken. Hand me another tissue, please.
I’m thinking about writing a Christmas movie for guys. You probably assume it would involve an over-the-top, jacked-up, four-wheel-drive truck or a 70 mph bass boat, right? Well, heck yeah! You can bet your missile-tows on that! (Hey! Wouldn’t “Missile Tows” make a great name for a wrecker service? Sorry… my ADD just kicked in.)
Women just don’t understand men. I once overheard two wives chatting at a car show—
My husband finally got the bass boat he’s always wanted.
My husband has been driving me crazy for a new bass boat! What’s so special about a bass boat?
Well, you know guys… it has to go like a hundred miles an hour or something crazy like that!
Seriously? I had no idea a bass could swim that fast!
Women can be so insensitive! I’ve never met her husband and I got misty eyed picturing that emotional moment as he towed his new boat to the lake.
Where are the Christmas movies about a guy getting his bass boat? That’s the stuff that tugs at men’s hearts. We men have been labeled as boorish and insensitive. Shoot, we’re the most sensitive creatures on the planet when it comes to the things we’re really interested in.
I watch grown men cry every week on the reality TV show Overhaulin’. Great plot: Chip Foose’s team steals Joe Average’s beat up old car from the his back yard and secretly overhaul it into his dream car. I’ve watched as big, grizzly men sob, their bulky shoulders slumped in humble disbelief, as Chip and the Overhaulin’ crew unveil the professionally restored ride. And I’m not just talking about the lucky dude who gets his car overhauled; I’m talking about every guy who’s watching across America!
I think men need their own Christmas network, “The Haulmark Channel,” with movies about a middle-aged guy who goes home at Christmas to find an orphaned boy living in the 1948 Chevy pickup his great-grandpa left him. And its hitched to a new bass boat! Adoption papers and title transfers are signed while jingle bells clamor in the distance and Chip Foose, dressed as Santa, overhauls the truck on Christmas Eve. Now that’s a Christmas classic!
It’s a heart thing, isn’t it? Whether we’re masculine or feminine, we are moved by what’s closest to our hearts. I get it. Women are relational creatures so stories of personal interaction touch their hearts. Men are stereotypically more likely to relate to things and projects… and the people who are attached to those things and projects.
I think that’s why the real Christmas story includes the relational dynamic of a young virgin, precariously pregnant, as well as her strong fiancé, risking his reputation and resources for the family he loves. The gift of that baby’s birth becomes our greatest gift. Their struggle becomes our struggle.
And isn’t that why all sappy Christmas movies make us cry?
“For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” Isaiah 9:6