As our nation heads toward the election of a new president, you, like many good Americans, may assume our divide is simply between two opposing governmental ideologies: two major political parties. However, I believe there is a much deeper divide in our nation and it is simply not being addressed.
You may not be aware there are people living on either side of you who dramatically disagree on this fundamental principle of everyday life in America. And strangely enough, no one is polling the good people of Iowa regarding this controversial issue! The topic to which I’m referring has yet to be defined by political correctness—until now.
You’re probably way ahead of me and have already guessed the issue.
If you guessed that I’m speaking of the proper way to install toilet paper on the roller, you’d be right. As hard as it is to believe, I’ve discovered not everyone places their toilet paper on the roller the proper way. Thousands of otherwise politically sensitized Americans remain completely insensitive when it comes to toilet paper.
I don’t like to brag, but I’ve become a self-taught expert on proper toilet paper etiquette. While most guests are going through your medicine cabinets, I, on the other hand, have been carefully monitoring how you install your paper on the roller.
There are obviously only two ways a roll of paper can go on the roller. The right way—OTF (Over the Front) which properly places it within reach of the user, and the entirely wrong way—OTB (Over the Back) which causes it to unroll away from the user.
For those of you who are already PC about your TP, I imagine you’re double clutching your fist right now saying, “Yes! I knew it!”
Let me be perfectly clear…you may find it hard to believe but there are numbers of our fellow American’s out there who are not yet politically correct regarding toilet paper.
You’ll be shocked to hear that I’ve actually been rebuffed by otherwise gracious hosts simply because I’ve reinstalled their paper properly while gently pointing out their political insensitivity in the matter. I’m sure they’ll thank me later. But like many great Americans, I’ve experienced how standing up for my convictions may result in persecution (particularly from family members).
Ahem…I hope you’re not taking this too seriously; It’s good to laugh at ourselves, isn’t’ it? I don’t know which direction is politically correct, although I realize I’ve tipped my hand regarding my personal preference. I believe there are times when it’s best to address a serious situation with a little levity. (“Very little!” as Marilyn often says)
Recent terrorist-induced tragedies have left us reeling as a nation and there’s certainly nothing humorous about the grief these events leave in their wake. But I believe the Bible strongly encourages us to never surrender to the fear that so easily accompanies such tragedies. Our faith in God becomes a powerful counter-measure to such fear. David expresses over fifty different times in the Psalms,
“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” (Psalm 46:1)
The Apostle Paul, who personally experienced terror first hand, boldly reminds us,
“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword (or Terrorist)? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” (Romans 8:35-37)
Dear reader, I want to encourage you to put your trust in God Almighty and replace your fears with faith in Him. And pray with me…for our nation and our world.
Read Ron’s column, Simple Faith, each Saturday on the Faith Page (page 3) of the Lancaster Eagle Gazette, or visit www.lancastereaglegazette.com.