When I was a kid, the behavioral scientists had yet to discover the impact of Attention Deficit or Hyper Activity Disorder on a child’s behavior. In the 1950’s, if you misbehaved it was because you were ‘being bad’. Once during a parent-teacher conference, as my mother and third grade teacher huddled to discuss why an otherwise good student managed to get into trouble so often, my teacher sighed and confessed, “I hate to admit it but I’ve come to the conclusion that girls are good and boys are just ornery.” I felt a sudden rush of affection for Mrs. Nimon—to realize perhaps she didn’t see me as a bad boy but simply ornery. I thought, “Yea…ornery! I’m not a bad boy…just ornery!”
As a preschooler my daycare giver, Grandma Hart, had a simple notion about young boys and proper behavior; you were either being good or you were being bad. It didn’t take long to figure out being good meant she didn’t have to pay attention to what I was doing and being bad meant she had to stop what she was doing to ‘straighten me out!’ Usually it came as a threat from the other room, “What are you doing in there? If I come in there and you’re messing with stuff you shouldn’t, you are going to be in so much trouble!”
I’m convinced Grandma Hart had a supernatural ability to know when I was into something I shouldn’t. She’d appear out of nowhere, wielding a sword of guilt with the acuity of a Ninja, declaring “if you were a good boy, I wouldn’t have to keep checking on you.”
I vowed to be a better boy, and it helped; I began to make better decisions, but unlike many children, it was never easy for me. I swear there were times I was merely playing, believing I was doing nothing wrong, when suddenly I’d find myself in trouble. Whether it was Grandma Hart or Mrs. Nimon, it often came as a complete surprise. I’m not excusing misbehavior but rather attempting to describe what it is like to fail to recognize misbehavior until it’s too late. It’s as though I would be minding my own business when suddenly I’d find myself unwittingly at cross purposes with someone I loved and respected. Often later, even as discipline was being meted out, I had not yet completely understood what I’d done to illicit their displeasure.
Each year as my cognitive abilities improved and these abstract concepts came into sharper focus, I recognized I had to work at being good. It just didn’t come naturally.
Today, I still work at doing the right thing. Here’s something I know about myself—left to my own devices, I don’t naturally gravitate toward what’s right.
And now as Thanksgiving approaches, I admit, I don’t naturally gravitate toward gratitude. I realize I have to discipline myself to express gratefulness toward the people and circumstances in my life for which I should be more thankful.
On Thanksgiving, isn’t it important to do more than simply stop and give thanks? Shouldn’t we rather commit to living a life of gratitude?
The bible tells us to purpose in our minds and hearts to be continually grateful. St. Paul implored the church in Colossae,
“Devote yourselves to prayer with an alert mind and a thankful heart.” (Colossians 4:2)
I was never officially diagnosed with ADHD, but looking back I recognize a number of obvious symptoms which help me better understand who I am. Even though I wanted to be a good boy, it never came naturally. Eventually I grew to realize I had to discipline myself to do the right things.
Maintaining an attitude of gratitude has proven more difficult for me personally than I care to admit. I discovered a long time ago being thankful requires an asserted effort on my part. Like physical exercise or moderation in diet, I find gratitude doesn’t flow naturally, but the good thing is I’m aware of that and I can ask the Lord daily to help me be grateful.
I wish you a bounty of gratitude this Thanksgiving.
Read Ron’s column, Simple Faith, each Saturday on the Faith Page (page 3) of the Lancaster Eagle Gazette, or visit www.lancastereaglegazette.com.