While speaking to my church family about the importance of forgiving those who have hurt us, I admitted that I often still feel hurt or discomfort when I’m around people I thought I had forgiven. My unscripted but honest comment struck a nerve. Many of you asked, “If I’ve completely forgiven someone, why do I still harbor hurt feelings or experience discomfort whenever I’m around them?” I’ll bet, right now you’re saying…“Yeah! Why is that?”
I think I have a couple of suggestions that might unfold this riddle for us. First, let’s agree on some basic terms—
- Emotional pain, like physical pain is a sign that something has been, or is being damaged.
- Emotion wounds affect us similarly to physical wounds—damage is damage.
- The more serious the emotional or physical wound, the greater the chance of permanent damage.
- Wounds that do not heal completely leave residual damage that may result in future pain.
Emotional wounds are similar to physical wounds. Physical wounds may be as simple as a cut or bruise that heals quickly, leaving little scarring or lasting consequences. However, if the wounds are more severe, broken bones, or damaged organs may incur that require a much longer healing process. Moreover, the greater the damage the more likely our healing will never be complete because of scars or even impairment. In the case of severe physical trauma, the body may never completely recover and we’re left with a limp or we experience pain when that portion of our body is touched or exercised. I have a damaged rotator cuff and although the injury happened years ago, it still hurts when I raise my arm above my head.
I believe emotional wounds behave similarly to physical wounds. The greater the damage inflicted during our personal conflicts with others, the greater the possibility of permanent scarring and damage. Although I believe God can and does heal today, there is no question that at times He chooses not to. The Apostle Paul cried out three different times for God to heal him of his “thorn in the flesh” but God simply said, “My grace is sufficient for you.”
7) “Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8) Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.9) But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10) That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:7-10
Forgiving others has direct benefits to ourselves. First, it prevents our injury from festering into a full blown case of bitterness. Bitterness is to our spirit what infection is to a wound; It can eventually kill us. Secondly, forgiveness allows for maximum healing. As we release others through forgiveness we invite the best possible scenario for inner healing to take place. We are granted the peace of a clear conscience and the clarity of spirit that allows us to make the most of every day. Through forgiveness, we release that person who has had a spiritual strangle-hold on our emotions.
Here’s an interesting factoid: When it comes to emotional healing, time is on our side. Our spirit is revived by forgiveness as the Holy Spirit continues to strengthen and heal. Unlike our physical body, which is only able to recover to a certain degree before age and time begins to break it down again, our spiritual life continues to strengthen as we live toward eternity. Our spirit is eternal; our bodies are not!
Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.” I Corinthians 4:16
The most physically fit among us is experiencing irreversible aging. However, because of Christ, our spirit is on an opposite trajectory… and at my age this is an incredibly encouraging reality. Under the care of the Holy Spirit, our bodies may be growing older and weaker but our spirits are growing younger and healthier!
Read Ron’s column, Simple Faith, each Saturday on the Faith Page (page 3) of the Lancaster Eagle Gazette, or visit www.lancastereaglegazette.com.